elenahpowell

Quotes from my mum

In Collections, Quotes on March 23, 2012 at 4:43 pm

She says some very strange things indeed. Although she doesn’t seem to believe that she’s said most of them. Anyway, these make up 153 of the 3,242 words of Am I Just A Quote Machine, although the newer ones at the bottom aren’t in the book…

  • “Have a widdle!”
  • “I do need a widdle actually…”
  • “Up yours matey!”
  • “I need some help!”
  • “I thought it was a black man snorkeling.”
  • “That’s why noodle always crashes.”
  • “He keeps pratting on with his stupid ­inappropriate smile.”
  • “Like a DMU advert.”
  • “There’s a load of tits in the grapes.”
  • “Bushy eyed and wide tailed.”
  • “You look like you work for the KGB with your little notebook.”
  • “Am I just a quote machine?”
  • “Bill Gates? Isn’t he dead?”
  • “Funny twiddling moving duberries.”
  • “Look at the size of his snake!”
  • “Walking with different erections.”
  • “Maybe I never dressed up as a bear?”
  • “Make shapes in the Church of Photography.”
  • “A bastard of wasps.”
  • “If you went there with your quote book you’d have a field day.”
  • “Titty pie.”
  • “If they’re sharing beds it’s like sharing ­needles.”
  • “The Archers theme tune makes me want to kill people.”
  • “He likes to run naked in the snow.”
  • “It must be fucking awful!”
  • “I won’t let you on the bus.”
  • “We can stand there with banners saying ‘down with this sort of thing'”
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